Knowing Your Surroundings

Growing up, getting together was always a small event. My family of five, with the occasional addition, but not much more than that. I've seen that other some families do it similar and some do it quite differently. 

For holidays, Marissa will often have three family gatherings across two days with each gathering being larger than my entire immediate family. These past two years have been a lot of Marissa and I "finding our new normal" as we combine our family gatherings and holidays.

All of the family that I married into has been overwhelmingly welcoming and have made me feel wanted and loved. They are warm and inviting and I could not ask for more!

Family is wonderful, but so are friends! 

If you know me at all, you know that I love getting together with people. As I continue to move through life, this has become increasingly true. When friends or family come to visit, my wife and I try to take care of all the needs our guests may have. We even have a "soda menu" that we have created to showcase the options that we have. 

We get excited when soda is on sale so we can get
the different favorites of our friends! 

There is something about gathering with those who care about you bringing laughter, joy and life!

As warm and tingly as a friend or family can make us feel the reality is that most of us are not surrounded by love and joy on the average day.

Working in a corporate environment teaches you about the good, bad and ugly of people and interpersonal communication. Managing a team of 15 people, I've learned that everyone communicates just different enough that you need to be constantly thinking about what you might be saying without saying it.

I have worked hard to build an all star team that communicates well and I have tried to build a good relationship with my employees to ensure we're understanding each other as clearly as possible. Clarity, it seems, is something that you have to work for. And sometimes no matter how hard you try, you will never understand people clearly regardless of the depth of relationship you build.

At work everyone has an agenda, but not necessarily in a bad way. Each person has a business to run with certain objectives and key-performance goals to meet. Many times meetings are compromises of those different objectives, figuring out how to partner with another business to both meet your goals without losing too much efficiency in the process. 

I recall a work meeting a year ago that had a major communication break down causing me to have an very upsetting and emotional day. I was so shaken up after this meeting that my manager had to pull me aside to be sure I was actually going to make it through the rest of the day. Through his patience and understanding, I was able to finish the day and set myself up to avoid "break downs" with this particular person in the future.

It wasn't until several days later that I realized I needed to always be taking an inventory of my surroundings, specifically at work.

So why does having friends over make me feel one way while work meetings bring out completely different set emotions?

An obvious observation, but hear me out.

Anyone in Minnesota can tell you that your physical surroundings make a vast difference on your attitude. The weather can make your day or make it feel like it the day is going to drag on forever. But what it truly comes down to is the people that we are surrounded with. 

Friends and family don't have agendas. They're not looking to push their business goals or meet some sort of friend quota for the month. Hopefully, they are with me because they enjoy what I have to bring and I enjoy their uniqueness as well. Getting along is easy because everyone is enjoying everyone else in a positive, life-giving way.

Obviously, not everyone we interact with is life giving. People who we clash with are draining and can ruin your day way more than a cloudy day. It could have completely destroyed a business relationship that I rely on in my role. 

This is why it is so important to know who in your life is going to be an encouragement and lift you up in love:

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. 

Hebrews 10

Are we being intentional with who we have around us on a daily basis? Do you have people at work or at home that are encouraging you, not falsely building some false confidence by agreeing with everything you say, but someone who cares about your well being as a person? Do you know someone who will listen when you need it but will also provide some tough love when you need to be corrected.

This is NOT an excuse to only surround yourself with people are are exactly like you.

I have a good friend who wrote it this way on his Facebook:

If you do not feel challenged, intellectually or emotionally by your friends, you are probably hanging around people a lot like you. While comfortable, this does not allow you to challenge or expand what you know and makes you vulnerable to rule 1 by making you think that "because everyone you know believes X" it must be true. It is up to you to decide on your council of friends, make the right choices.

He articulates well that we should be looking to push ourselves and often times that is going to take some conflict. But do you have someone in your life that is an encouragement to you? I don't think that everyone is lucky enough to have it. 

These are the people that help you process a rough interaction, or help you reflect on that poor business meeting to make sure you still have a job the next day. 

Take the time to thank those people in your life who give you uplifting encouragement. Do you know if that person understands your appreciation for them and the way they support you? 

Have you told them recently?

Don't be afraid of conflict and hard conversations, it helps you grow drastically. But be sure to find people in your life to balance out the muk of agendas and high emotions.

Find people who you like to be around and who like to be around you. Find reason to laugh during your day and don't let other people's actions or words ruin the goodness that you carry yourself with. They don't have power over you, don't give it to them. 

Know your surroundings to keep yourself on track, but know them all the more to help other navigate through their hard day. Be a good friend, challenge each other to be better in loving ways that live in a spirit of growth and fellowship.