Communicating Without Words

I have two parts to to my job at work. Usually I am working on the eighth floor responding to a list of issues from top to bottom. I see names and incident numbers on the daily, but rarely see the people I help face to face, outside of the occasional drop of or pickup for a hardware issue.

Typically I will communicate with people that I am helping over instant messenger. By contacting people over IM, I am able to help multiple people seamlessly without losing track of the information that they have already provided. I have the ability to send them to certain network locations, and even send direct URLs to the webpages that I need them to go to.

Until you have worked a HelpDesk type of job, you do not understand how difficult it is to get someone to a website. Telling them to go to Google could mean open Google Chrome, go to your default search page, or even Google search "Google" using the Google toolbar. 

I am okay with phoning people and do it frequently, however I am limited to helping a single person at a time and cannot look back at our conversation for more detail. Email is a close second to IM, but doesn't have the same urgency to respond as an instant message can have.

Recently, however I have been doing the other part of my job by working the walk-up helpdesk on the corporate campus. This is  anything from employees who need to turn in their laptops for their last day, to a mass of technical and know-how issues. Working at this desk is very different from working a list of names and numbers through digital means. These people walk up with their laptops and sit directly in front of me.

The conversations that I have had are most interesting and are a learning piece every single day. I've learned that being attentive to what is going on around you will make a huge difference. I will work at the desk with several people, and by not being glued to my screen in the down time, people will typically approach me first. This is obvious as I am most approachable, but it is important to mention for where I am going.

I almost always shoot out a quick "Hello! How can I help you today?" as they are sitting down pulling out their laptop. Nine times out of ten they start explaining their issue, but something happened this last week that initially frustrated me until I really started thinking about it.

Certain people wouldn't reply to my question until their computer was open and showing me the issue that they were having. Sometimes this took a couple minutes to login and get to the message. I felt that we were wasting time. Time that  I could be taking in information to get to a resolution. However they didn't want to waste time talking about it when they can just show me.

This got me thinking about the ways that we communicate with one another and how we often times get frustrated when people don't do it our way or in our time.

Here is an example:
I grew up with a very quick family both in wit and speed. We all talk very quickly and very often interrupt each other while talking. This is rude. I totally understand that. But our family communicates that way and doesn't take it as inherently rude.

When talking with another friend, I would naturally interrupt a lot because that is how I am used to communicating. One time I was asked, "Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?"  This stopped me dead in my tracks, was I being rude? I was trying to show that I was actively listening, but that's not what I was communicating with my actions.

Talking with another friend, he cannot multitask conversation. If he is sending a text or doing something else and is asked a question, he will simply not respond. Not because he didn't hear you, or doesn't want to answer you, he just cannot do it. I was upset when we first lived together thinking it was very disrespectful, but later realized it's a different way of communicating.

So what am I getting at here?

Ultimately how much we actually talk doesn't speak volumes when put next to how it is that we are communicating. We should be constantly evaluating how it is that we speak with other people. What are you communicating without using words?

Eye Contact.

When I am with someone talking and they won't make or maintain eye contact I get frustrated. I was brought up to always make eye contact when talking with someone as a sign of respect and to engage them into what you are saying. Obviously there are times that you don't maintained eye contact (driving, watching a movie or sport, ect) but it is much easier to talk with someone who will look back at you when you are talking.

Posture (Body Language)

What is your posture when compared to the other person? Are you sitting down, and leaning back when they are trying to talk about something important? If you are meeting someone for the fist time, what kind of impression are you leaving? I will almost always stand to talk with someone if they walk up to speak with me. I want to communicate to them that I am listening and respect them enough to do so. Square up, look at them straight on. Don't give the Minnesota 90, but look at the person and engage. 

Frequency

 How often do you talk with your best friend? I cannot imagine that you would go months without talking. Because you value that person, you want to maintain the relationship though frequent conversation and time together. But even so, who is doing the contacting? Do you have equal attempts at  making contact or is your friend in the dark until they contact you? What is your lack of communication actually communicate to your friend? 

 Action and Inaction

Have you ever asked someone to do something, and they completely drop the ball? It's frustrating. Their actions (or inaction) can easily communicate something without words. Although they may not intentionally be saying, "I don't value you enough to do what you asked" it can often come off that way. Be intentional. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you forget, fix it. Show people that you value them, by valuing their time and requests. 

Punctuality

I have always been a punctual person. I like to be on time. Even when a party or gathering has a soft starting time, I am usually anxious if I am not on time. But what about meetings or gatherings with people that have specific times? Showing up fifteen minutes late to a lunch meeting with a friend doesn't communicate very well. It also communicates that you don't value their time as much as your own. If you know that you are habitually late, do something to help value others. Lay your clothes out or pack your lunch the night before. Don't start another Netflix episode if you won't be able to finish it with enough time to spare. Sacrifice a bit of your own time, to make time for someone else. It speaks volumes. 

Be attentive to the people around you. If you are going to say something, take a second and think it though. Give thought to the words that you are sharing with others, and how you are sharing those words. Instead of a text message, call them up—it's likely faster and significantly more personal. You make the plans with someone that always makes the plans, practically show them they are valued.

Communication is much more then words exchanged. Be aware of what you are saying to others without using any words.