Currently I've been going through a lapse of judgment, and listening to the boy bands of the late nineties. Everything from Backstreet Boys to the Spice Girls. As sad as this is, it made me think back over the years I've been attending school.
Elementary school - Everyone is a friend.I walked to school everyday in elementary school, with a neighbor. Eric and I were best of friends for those four years, often spending the day at one anther's houses. At school, anyone would would respond to your talking was a friend. It was a time of building social skills and learning to kick a ball at least half way across the gym while playing "Mat Ball"
Middle School - Friends change drastically. Upon entering the middle school (7/8th Grades) everything changes quickly. All four of the elementary schools combined into the same building adding new faces and classmates. Separation was still in place though "colors" of students, [Core curriculum spread between teams of teachers to better manage the large number of students] and maintaining friendships across colors was difficult. This was a chance to make new friends, with more authenticity. Since recess was no longer provided, people were looking for more then a pal to play ball with for a half-hour.
High School - Friend groups become cliques. High school years are the foundation for building your reputation. The fine-arts you are involved in (band, orchestra, newspaper, theater, ... ) place you in a group that becomes tight knit as you continue over the four years together. People will do almost anything to move up in reputation, even if it might cost a friendship.
This was when I first realized that the "Everyone is a friend" value was gone. The one time that people really needed a friend they could rely on, was the time that they were getting pushed to the bottom of the dogpile. Authenticity is not a word in the average high school student's vocabulary.
Community College - Friends are few and far between. For me college is such a whirlwind of emotions. Attending a community college for a year was one of the most trying things I have done. Looking for friends, I only found acquaintances. The consistency was only found in the seat you sat in and the people around you. Surrounded by thousands of people, I felt like I was the only one there. Fortunately, I could look to my workplace for a sense of belonging. Work became the thing I looked forward too, as I had people who genuinely cared for my company ready to work together for the evening. I thank God for those people, truly and deeply do.
College Campus - Friends are intricate.As you mature and learn to deal with people, the way you make and keep friendships grows with you. Through course work, I've been reading the book: Relationships: How to Make Bad Relationships Better and Good Relationships Great By Parrott, Leslie L. Parrott. This book focuses on all aspects of relations, but spoke most to me on friendship.
Friends, according to Parrott, are not circular (cf Circle of Freinds) but triangular.
As seen above, our friends consists of multiple levels. Ranging from Acquaintances, Core, and Intimate friends. This idea of levels of friends has been so foreign to me, but as I began to reflect on my past each category of school would place people on some level of the triangle. We also talked about "friends of the road" and how many friends in our lives are not meant to be lifelong friends, but simply help us though our daily life for a season or two.
Living at a college full of daily interaction with the body of students, I cannot help but keep this triangle in the back of my mind. Not that I "rate" everyone that I talk with, deciding where to file them on the shelf, and for how long will I keep them there, but trying to build bonds with people who are also looking for the same thing. Being in a Christian environment, much of the ministry department falls on the bottom category as I share classes with the same general audience. As the year has stretched over halfway, I am still unsure of the intimate list.
My core friends have been uplifting and encouraging, although they don't have a clue. When I feel down and lonely, someone will come and sit with me or strike up a conversation that is authentic and intentional; this is encouraging that I've chosen people who truly care about me as a friend and view me as I view them. I was even asked about housing for next year, and if I'd be willing to room. The Lord truly provides uplifting when you need it the most. I am so encouraged and appreciative of this friend, and feel honored to call him such.
Friends come and go, but "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" who wants to know you above and beyond any triangle of classification. He can provide healing when you're hurt and encouragement when you're in the slumps. He is not a "friend of the road" but will be there for you when ever you need, and even when you think that you don't. He stands ready, all you have to do is let Him help.
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.
Joseph M Scriven 1855
Show your friends how appreciative of them you are this week.
Matthew Brice.
